In 2010, on the eve before my 19th birthday, I wrote a blog post about my childhood encounter with my older cousin’s Ouija board. Eight months later, Amanda passed away. Now, shortly after the 13th anniversary of her death, I’m finally finishing the story I started.

While most would agree that questioning the tenets of your own belief system is necessary for growth, I can't shake the feeling that my search for the truth looks on some days more like a flat-out rejection of The Truth I've been taught—the same one that's kept me company in my safe little bubble for years. Which leads us back to the idea of faith, and the ability to trust that there's a God who wants me even at my most uncertain.