32 lessons I’ve learned in 32 years.
I’m 32 today, you guys—the same age of my mother when I was born. How is this possible? I could’ve sworn I turned 22, like, yesterday. On the other hand, I was a different person ten years ago, and I’d like to think I’ve grown a bit since then. While there is of course still so much I have yet to learn, hindsight is 20/20. And as I sit in a coffee shop on this very spooky October morning, listening to Taylor’s Version of 1989, I thought it’d be fun to list the personal revelations I’ve taken away from adulthood thus far. Because being 32 obviously makes me the ever so wise adult! (Just kidding, I’ll probably look back at this post in ten more years and roll my eyes. But that's never stopped me before.)
If I could go back and tell my younger self what *I think* I know now, here are some of the things I’d say:
You may be able to do it all, but why would you want to? Glorifying “busy” only leads to burnout. There’s something to be said about working hard for what you want, but hustling for the sake of hustling is not worth the cost of your sanity.
Enjoy the current phase of life you’re in, because one day, you’ll miss it. You always miss it.
Who you choose to marry is the Most Important Decision you’ll ever make. That one decision will heavily influence every other aspect of your life for the rest of your life. At 23 years old, you won’t have fully grasped that concept—but at 32, you’ve started to. (Thank your lucky stars you married a good man who is still your best friend a decade later.)
Don’t forget to be playful. Even in the worst of situations, you can find something to laugh about.
Diets do not work for a reason. Swearing off sugar only makes you obsess over sugar. If health is your goal, ditch stress. In a country bombarded by chemicals and pesticides and “food” products, prioritizing real, high-quality food is important—but the faster you realize that there’s more to wellness than what you eat, the healthier you’ll be. (Support your nervous system first, girlfriend.)
In the same vein, physical health is not the thing that matters most. Your soul needs more care than your body, and that hunger you feel deep down can only be satisfied by a relationship with your Creator.
Reading before bed always trumps watching Netflix. You’ll sleep so much better, I promise.
The greatest gift you can give to another is to just let them know you’re thinking of them. So, pick up the phone and call your Godmother. Write a letter to your friend in Germany. Pay your grandparents a visit just because. Like any other skill, thinking of others takes practice: The more you do it, the better you’ll get. (Don’t expect it to come naturally.)
Nothing in this world is black and white, and if it appears to be, you’re probably not looking closely enough.
You’re going to be tempted to quit whenever you struggle, but know that the struggle—the challenge—is what makes anything worth doing. Have a little grit, and keep going. Consistency begets momentum and momentum begets motivation.
The happiest people you’ve met don’t spend their days in a constant search for happiness. They simply strive to accept each moment as it is, practice gratitude, and lead with love. The goal should not be a happy life, anyway. The goal should be a life well-lived, and you get to decide what that means to you. (Hint: It’s not Pinterest-worthy.)
You won’t ever regret spending money on travel and experiences, but you will regret what you didn’t do. That said, take the trip. Buy tickets to the ballet. Try the new restaurant in town. Live adventurously.
Turn off your phone. Checking it a thousand times a day does nothing but fuel your dopamine addiction.
When you’re anxious, resist the temptation to clean. That’s just a bandaid for your frenzied mind, and a recipe for more anxiety. Sit with your feelings instead. And then after you’ve acknowledged them, go for a walk. Get some fresh air. Hug your kids. Move your body. Breathe. Pray. Do things that give you true peace.
Your caffeine sweet spot is around 150 mg per day. Drink any more than that and you feel like shit.
Let yourself like what you like, and own it. It’s okay that your favorite musical artist is Taylor Swift. She’s “mainstream” for a reason—because she’s fucking amazing—and loving her doesn’t make you uncool. (You don’t want to be cool anyway. Cool is overrated.)
No one is immune to suffering; it comes for all of us in different ways and at different times. Which means that everyone’s fighting their own battle. This fact alone should bond us together in unity and support of one another.
Fill up your car’s gas tank before the low fuel warning light comes on. Your future self will thank you.
Don’t move through life quietly just because you’re afraid of offending people. Everyone has different opinions, and you’re allowed to speak yours. That said, there’s a time to talk and a time to listen. (Practice the art listening.)
Motherhood is hard. That’s okay. Thinking that something is challenging doesn’t mean you’re bad at it. Motherhood is also amazing, and your kids are incredible. Don’t take this for granted. Reparenting yourself will help you to heal past traumas and become the kind of mom they deserve. Start now.
When someone compliments you, believe them! (Especially your significant other.) On the other hand, never shy away from complimenting someone else—if you think it, say it.
Your perspective is just one perspective in the billions out there. Being open to others’ makes you a far more dynamic and loving person.
Don’t let your ego hold you back from living an authentic, fulfilling life. Your choices, your style, your patterns—they are yours, and no one else’s. Who cares what other people think? You are the best version of yourself when you don’t give a damn. (People aren’t thinking about you, anyway; that’s your ego talking.)
Trust that your closest girlfriends will always have your back. Believe what they tell you, even especially when it’s hard to hear.
Most people don’t remember what you look like, how many achievements you have under your belt, what you do for a living, or who you know. They remember how you make them feel. If that’s not reason enough to be kind and foster connection, I don’t know what is.
Our emotions can provide us with good information, but they are fleeting and ever-changing. Try not to make decisions solely based on a feeling in any given moment.
Faith is not a checklist of tasks to prove yourself worthy of God’s love. Faith is knowing you’re loved beyond comprehension and then projecting that love onto everyone you come into contact with. If all of your thoughts and actions stem from a place of fear, guilt, or shame, you don’t know God.
Skip the Covid vaccine. The risks aren’t worth the benefits.
You can tell a lot about a person by how they respond to criticism. Learn to receive feedback from others without becoming defensive or defeated. Weigh their words honestly. If the assessment rings true, you now have a new opportunity to work on yourself. If it doesn’t, shake it off and move along. Your reaction says more about who you are than anyone else’s perception of you.
You will never have all of the answers. Seek truth, but don’t get so bogged down by the details that you can’t see the big picture.
Life is not a feel-good movie; happily ever afters don’t exist. Everything is a journey, and there is no shiny destination you’ll arrive at one day and finally be able to say, “I made it!” Building a life that you love takes intention, planning, and everyday effort. Having dreams is a good start, but it’s the hard work and determination to see those dreams through that will provide the greatest satisfaction.
Getting older is a blessing, not a curse. Embrace aging, don’t fear it.
Knowing these truths is one thing, but actually living them is entirely something else. At 32, I’m still working on the living part. That’s all we can ask of ourselves, though: We evolve, slowly sloughing off of the person we were to make room for the person we will become. But for now, I celebrate who I am in this moment: young but getting older, imperfect but improving, not without worries but alive and well. Just a girl in a coffee shop on a gloomy October morning, cold brew in hand and music in her ears. Content, hopeful, heart open.