The one where Emily goes off the grid.


Excuse the third-person title. I've been watching a lot of Friends.

Today is Mardi Gras (February 25th) but by the time I finish writing and publish this post, a few months will have passed. At least.

I'm doing something big for Lent this year, something I've never attempted and probably will never attempt again—because it's just so outside of the realm of what I'm used to that I'm sure it's going to be a lonely, miserable experience. Unless...it's the best thing I ever do.

Time will tell.


◊ ◊ ◊

Ahem.

I wrote the lines above, as mentioned, on Ash Wednesday of this year. And less than a month later, I'm both amused and disheartened to read them. (Hint: Emily did not go off the grid as planned.)

I've come to realize in my late twenties that self-discipline is a virtue I severely lack.

It's honestly kind of laughable, and also deeply troubling, that I can't stick to my resolutions to save my life. Scott likes to tease that he always knows I'm not going to do something the second I vow to do it.

I'm going to try intermittent fasting.
I'm going to study my bible every day.
I'm going work out first thing in the morning.
I'm going to give up social media for Lent this year.

Every one of these sentences has come out of my mouth in the last few weeks, and yet... Not one has come to fruition.

Because the second I get bored/uncomfortable/busy/tired, all bets are off. YOLO. Every single time.

I know what you're thinking: "Just do what you say you're going to do, and stop your whining."

Yeah, yeah, I hear ya. I've told myself that, too. But I'm starting to think I was born without an ounce of willpower. More likely, though, I'm simply out of practice. Or maybe, just maybe, [subconsciously] I don't value myself enough to actually keep these promises. (Deep.)

Imma settle on Option #2 because I haven't always been this way. In fact, it's only semi-recently that I've found myself relying on feel-good indulgences all too often to get me through the ups and downs of adulthood.

Glass of wine on a Tuesday? I've earned it.
Mid-morning nap when I should be working? ZZZZ.
Another impulse Amazon Prime order of things I don't need? Click!
A quick scroll through Instagram in lieu of reading? Just this once. (Yeah, right.)

You get the gist. Hedonist here!

This Lent, I really wanted to take a break from social media. I could feel my anxiety grow a little stronger—and my resolve to be productive grow weaker—every day, and the mindless moments spent checking Facebook and Instagram weren't helping either issue. I started off strong that first week, like I always do, but by the end of the second...

I missed my mindless scrolling, so I let myself indulge—one day, and then again the next. Until today, when the realization set in that I'd broken yet another promise. Yeesh.

Hence this blog post, which wasn't supposed to be published for months. (At least.) My potentially life-changing digital detox has come to an abrupt end, and being an all-or-nothing kind of girl, I don't have the heart to begin again. Maybe my "go big or go home" mentality is part of the problem?

Time will tell, I suppose.

Who knew that a little bit of self-quarantining could produce a whole lot of self-reflection! But, in all seriousness, if you have any tips on how to self-discipline your way to greatness, I'M ALL EARS. What are your secrets to holding yourself accountable?

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