I'll never truly understand why tragedies happen. I'll never comprehend the inner workings of a mind that belongs to a killer. Why does it feel strange to call him that? That's what he is now, right? A murderer. A monster with a boy's face.
A boy, barely older than myself. So lost and confused, lonely and sick. Or perhaps, just plain evil. Conniving and bloodthirsty. There's no way to know, is there?
What he did is unforgivable. That's all people care about. Of course, no one cares to know about the man underneath the sin. But I wonder. I can't help it. I sit in a movie theater for the first time since the shooting, uneasy and distracted, trying to pay attention to a well-told story of hope and heroes, and I wonder... What could have possibly happened to this boy during his lifetime that would cause him to lash out in so unbelievable a way? What could have led to his believing that human life is disposable and worthless? It might have been from a place of anger or hatred. Some twisted form of entertainment to fill an emptiness inside of him. A cry for help masked by a horrifying deed. But what does it matter? Twelve people are dead, and that's the end of it. Or is it the end?
What becomes of this man and his victims? The victims' loved ones? Does life ever really go on for those affected by the tragedy, or do they find themselves at a standstill, unable to accept the past? Fear permeates the hearts of some, I'm sure, and others perhaps grow stronger because of it. But what does it all mean, exactly?
These are all honest questions I have. Tragedies happen every day, and there's no way to make sense of them. No way to forget about them. Questions linger, never to be answered. At least, not in our lifetime.
I stand by my conviction that everything happens for a reason. Which is not to say that this act of terrorism was always meant to play a part in some predestined plan—no, violence is a result of the absence of love within men, and therefore a rejection of God's plan—but that the repercussions of it might somehow be used for good, to steer us in the right direction of His loving arms. Even though it is beyond our human understanding to know how or why, I truly believe that He provides us with light to make our way through the darkness. Because as cliché and insensitive as all that may sound, it's the only thing that calms my own fears and gives me hope for a better tomorrow.